Seven months after the father of Wendy Oliver’s three children left the family home due to domestic violence, her oldest son, who was 14 at the time, hung up after talking with him on the phone and said, “I’m so glad Dad doesn’t live here anymore because when he did, he used to look at my privates.”

Her 7-year-old daughter, who was standing nearby, followed that chilling statement with, “When he lived here, he used to touch my privates.”

And Oliver’s 10-year-old son chimed in with a story about how during a recent visitation, his dad had brought lotion along. “One minute he was rubbing my feet, and the next minute he was up by my groin,” the boy told his mother.

Oliver’s response to her children on that day in 2011, when all three spoke of the sexual abuse that had been going on for a while behind her back using what her daughter calls “calculated tactics” was this: “I really want to hear what you have to say, but I really need someone to help me.”

Oliver said she instinctively knew that having psychological backup and witnesses were important for what she was about to learn – the details of which wouldn’t be revealed until nearly two years later at the first trial of her ex-husband, Daniel Oliver.

In between, the family was directed to Safe Passage, a children’s advocacy center that today houses offices of every agency involved in child sexual abuse – law enforcement, medical examiners, forensic investigators, therapists, court advocates, legal representatives, child protective services and empowerment teams.

Together, they help kids of all ages heal and shift their status from victims to survivors.

“Safe Passage made a difference in giving my family a voice, someone to vindicate us, to walk a very treacherous dark path that we didn’t know what was ahead of us,” said the younger son. Oliver requested that her adult children’s names not be used publicly to protect their privacy.

When they walk through the doors at Safe Passage on Colorado Springs’ west side, children from toddlers to teens are enveloped in a kid-friendly atmosphere designed to create a feeling of safety and a process that will turn their darkest day into an encouraging glimmer.

“Safe Passage made such a difference in my life. I felt I could trust them with something I couldn’t even comprehend,” said the daughter, who will graduate from college this month with a degree that’s a step toward becoming a therapist.

The family presented a look at their situation during an annual fundraising lunch last week at Safe Passage.

Awaiting sentencing in May on Daniel Oliver’s appeal case, the kids who have become adults found themselves back in court in recent months, where they relived the trauma, but this time with confidence and fearlessness. A second jury also delivered a conviction on six of six charges in appellate court.

“It’s striking that despite the passage of time, despite having this negative event, they were willing to fight for themselves and hold their dad accountable. That says a lot about the resilience of the kids and their ability to continue moving forward,” said Kelson Castain, deputy district attorney in the 4th Judicial District Attorney’s Office, which covers El Paso and Teller counties.

“They still seek justice as the ultimate goal,”  he said.

While the case is rare in that it resurfaced 10 years after the first jury trial and conviction, the Olivers’ experience is unfortunately familiar, Castain said.

“It’s not an overly unusual situation where you have violence or abuse within a family unit with one or several kids abused,” he said.

Child neglect and abuse, whether sexual, physical or psychological, are more prevalent than most people realize, experts say, as they work to bring attention to the issue during April’s observance of National Child Abuse Prevention Month.

One in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys in the United States are estimated to be victims of child sexual abuse before age 18, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Overall, more than 532,000 minor children were victims of abuse and neglect in the U.S. in 2024, the most recent year for national data. That’s nearly 1 in 100 children.

It’s “incredibly rare,” Castain said, for sex offenses to be committed by true strangers; most of the time abusers are family members or friends or someone who’s trusted, such as an educator or coach.

“Kids have a lot of people who come into their lives their parents know, and they assume it must be OK if mom and dad know this person,” he said.

Perpetrators often groom a child slowly because they don’t want to get caught, and they manipulate the victim and tell them what they’re doing isn’t bad, Castain said. “Child sex abuse happens, and it’s really important for people to know about it and report it if they think something is odd.”

It takes immense courage for children to have their bodies examined and answer uncomfortable questions as their innocence is stripped away and their lives are changed through no fault of their own, said Maureen “Mo” Basenberg, executive director of Safe Passage.

“What the children we serve have gone through is terrible, but I know the kids’ paths will change, their abuse will end, their lives will be safe when they come to Safe Passage,” she said to lunch attendees.

Child sex abuse, domestic violence

Research shows up to 60% of households where domestic violence is present also have instances of child abuse, said Anne Markley, CEO of TESSA, the largest domestic violence prevention and services organization in Colorado Springs, which operates a safehouse and recently expanded to Douglas County.

“These are not separate issues,” she said. “We often hear children described as witnesses to domestic violence, but this language can be misleading, because many of the children we serve are not just witnessing harm. They are experiencing it directly, whether physically, emotionally or psychologically.”

And when children grow up in homes where violence happens, the impact does not end in childhood, Markley said. Exposure to violence significantly increases the risk of long-term health problems, including depression, anxiety, substance use and chronic disease, research has shown.

“Children exposed to both domestic violence and abuse are carrying layered trauma, and without intervention, trauma can shape how they see relationships, safety and themselves well into adulthood,” she said.

“We focus on the entire family by working with parents to increase safety and stability through advocacy, shelter and ongoing support services, while also investing in education and prevention efforts to help adults and young people build healthy relationship skills and recognize early signs of violence,” Markley said.

“By addressing both immediate safety and long-term prevention, we are working to interrupt cycles of abuse before they continue into the next generation.”

In 2023, Colorado reported a child maltreatment rate of 8.1 children for every 1,000, which is higher than the national average of 7.4 children per 1,000, according to the Child Welfare League of America.

The effects show up in the emergency room at Children’s Hospital Colorado, which has a location in Colorado Springs at 4090 Briargate Parkway.

“Child abuse is one of our leading causes of fatal outcomes treated at the Aurora and Colorado Springs hospitals,” said Amanda Abramczyk-Thill, injury prevention and outreach specialist at the Colorado Springs campus.

Babies’ bodies are more susceptible to injury than older children, as they are more vulnerable and less able to protect themselves, she said.

Infants under age 1 are the largest group of victims. More than half – 57% – of patients treated for traumatic injuries due to child maltreatment at Children’s hospitals in Aurora and Colorado Springs in 2024 and 2025 had not yet celebrated their first birthday.

While across the board nationally and statewide physical and sexual abuse have declined in the past decade, said Dr. Antonia Chiesa, a pediatrician with the Child Protection Team at Children’s, what hasn’t moved the needle is child maltreatment that results in fatalities.

“That’s been quite steady at around 1,800 kids a year nationally,” Chiesa said.

Of the 28 deaths of children under age 18 in El Paso County in 2024, four were ruled homicides, six were due to asphyxia or unsafe sleeping positions for infants, four were suicides, and the remainder were a result of natural causes, motor vehicle crashes, fire, pedestrian incidents, accidental drug overdoses and undetermined causes, according to the county Coroner’s Office.

The most common injuries children sustain due to abuse are bruises followed by broken bones, the doctor said.

Rare but also seen – perhaps 35 to 50 cases per year across the Children’s system – is “shaken baby syndrome,” evidenced by abusive head trauma due to blunt impact or violent shaking.

“Our goal is to be preventative, to be upstream and support families before a crisis,” Chiesa said. “This is not about bad parents. These are generally good people whose parenting and support are taxed for various reasons. It crosses all socio-economic domains and all cultures.”

While in the throes of difficult days and nights, moms and dads and other caregivers should remember that they can always set a fussy baby down in a safe place and have a little alone time, experts say.

Calming techniques for baby include white noise, the whir of a vacuum cleaner, a ride in a car seat in a vehicle, rocking, touching, burping and changing the diaper.

“If they’ve addressed basic needs and that the incident doesn’t have a medical need, they can continue to calm the baby,” Abramczyk-Thill said. “It can be normal for their developmental stage. It’s also normal to feel stressed and normal to take a break.”

Having a plan for the frustration that arises from an inability to soothe a distressed child also is recommended.

“Crying is that child’s ability to communicate and connect. They’re sad and sick and don’t need to be changed. Sometimes a baby just needs to cry,” Chiesa said.

To report suspected child abuse or neglect, call the Colorado Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline at 844-CO-4-Kids.