There are split seconds in relationships that shine a light on its gaping holes.

When you suddenly realize the great chasm between how women and men view personal safety, both yours and theirs.

I was reminded of such epiphanies as I spooked my own self in the woods.

On a recent sunny Sunday I went off on a hiking tangent, ducking past a dead tree on the popular Section 16 trail (also known as Palmer/Red Rock Loop Trail) to pick up a little-used and hidden trail. I’ve ventured back here many times, usually just to check out the old stone fireplace and chimney remaining from some old structure. Two summers ago I discovered the remains of a second stone structure farther up the trail, and last summer I decided to walk a little farther and found a quiet, peaceful spot to rest my bones and commune with the universe.

On this particular Sunday I ventured even farther, up the steep trail and deeper into a silence filled only with bird song and the disgruntled chirps of a grumpy squirrel. And that’s about the time I started thinking about bears. And men. I tried to remember the protocol when you meet a bear in the woods. Do you get big and act threatening like you do with a mountain lion? Aren’t you supposed to play dead with a bear? But if I ran into a mama bear and her cubs, I likely wouldn’t just be playing dead. I’d be dead. R.I.P. me.

But what if, instead of a bear, I ran into an odd fella roaming around? Perhaps one who was camping or living back here, off the grid, away from society, who wanted to keep it that way. And here was this solo gal on walkabout, hoping to find a nice spot by the creek to sit and read her book and eat a mango. What’s the protocol in that situation? A cheery hello? An abrupt U-turn? Which encounter was potentially more threatening?

I stopped to dig a years-old pepper spray out of my backpack, dubious it would still work, but also reluctant to press the lever and find out, certain I’d tempt Murphy’s Law and wind up blinding myself. And then I lamented my inability to remember to replace said spray. This peaceful forest bath was becoming increasingly anxiety-ridden, the exact opposite of why I’d left my home that morning. But I ventured on — sunk-cost fallacy is real. I didn’t want to give up now. So I started talking to myself in lieu of bells or other noisemakers that might alert a bear to my presence and inspire it to skedaddle.

And then I remembered the viral TikTok meme from about a year ago, when a pop culture account posted a video asking eight women whether they’d rather be stuck in a forest with a man or a bear. Maybe you already suspect how seven of those ladies replied: bear. All the way.

They weren’t the only ones. The video was liked more than 2 million times and more than 60,000 users commented, with the No. 1 response being: “You know what to expect from a bear.”

“Some women say they’d choose the bear because they don’t know the man in question, like one user, who said ‘it’s not my boyfriend, it’s not my father, it’s not my cousin,’ adding being alone with an ‘unpredictable strange man is more frightening than being alone with a predictable wild animal,’” reported Forbes last year.

I was reminded of a visit to a boyfriend’s apartment on a Saturday night years ago. I had to park my car a couple of blocks away, and when I left, later in the evening, he only saw me to his apartment front door and said, “Have a safe walk to your car.” Color me unimpressed.

But this was the same person who, while walking downtown on another Saturday night, suggested we take a shortcut and duck down an alley, and was genuinely surprised when I balked.

He hasn’t been the only man to not think about personal safety. During a visit at my house, my brother and I stood outside talking when a man on a bike rolled by and asked if we had any work available. The three of us got to talking and I felt some anxiety about my safety, so I tried to do maybe a weird thing and give off a vibe that my brother was my boyfriend or husband. I didn’t want the stranger to know I might live there alone. But the topic came up in conversation and unfortunately my brother quickly clarified our relationship status, which aggravated me, though I remained silent until later. Clearly, he, too, never had to consider his safety in the same way I do.

This is something women and men will never share and that I wish more men understood. The ladies in your lives will always bear the extra burden of having to be wary and alert wherever they go. How I wish this wasn’t the way of it. And I know the majority of men are safe, but there do exist bears in men’s clothing.

While writing this a friend urged me to get a stun gun, maybe after reading my last column on hiking etiquette. Now would it be possible to stun gun one’s own self? Because if anyone could make that mistake it would be me, the girl who badly weed whacked her own ankle and calf several years ago. Those machines are no joke.

Hopefully, by the time you read this I’ll have acquired at least some new pepper spray and a companion to explore my new secret trail. And, please, for the love of the ladies in your lives, make their safety a first thought and walk them to their cars or their doors.