Whether you live near or far from your parents, as they age you begin to see changes when you visit – just as they will see changes in you! Often, though, the adult child becomes concerned for the welfare of their parent as they see frequent falls, chronic medical needs that are hard to manage at home, cognitive decline, social isolation, poor nutrition, caregiver burnout and more.

Before suggesting a move to a retirement community, assess the situation and organize a strategy for a conversation with your parents or other elderly loved ones as it can be a delicate and emotional talk. Here are some thoughts on how to start the conversation.

First, prepare yourself. Before you suggest mom or dad move to a congregate facility where they can receive supportive care and services, research your options. Not all senior living communities are alike nor offer levels of service. Understand your options before making a recommendation. Understand your parents’ needs and health conditions too, so those needs align with what a community offers.

When you have the conversation, pick the right place and time and organize key points you’d like to make. Find a quiet, comfortable setting with minimal distractions. If a sibling is joining, keep the conversation on a level tone to avoid feeling like you are “ganging up” on your parent. Also, allow plenty of time to talk; don’t start the conversation only to have to get the kids from soccer practice 30 minutes later. Some conversation starters might include questions and comments such as:

• “I care about you and want to ensure you’re safe and comfortable. Can we talk about some options that might make things easier for you?”

• “I’ve been thinking about the future and how we can make things better for you. What do you think about exploring some additional support?”

Then express your concerns, beginning with expressing your love and concern for their well-being. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings and observations (e.g., “I’ve noticed that you’ve been having difficulty with…”).

Then listen actively, allowing your parents to express their feelings, fears, and preferences. Show empathy and understanding of their perspective. Talk about the specific areas where they might need help. Then present the options you have researched, emphasizing the benefits and how it can improve their quality of life.

As the conversation evolves, remember to take it slow. This will be difficult for both you and likely your parents but be confident that you are raising concerns because you care.

Finally, offer to help in planning, research, appointments, and paperwork, but respect their autonomy. One of the things we do at Jackson Creek is encourage family members to bring their parents in for a fun event, meal, or quiet time to tour. There is no obligation to visit a community, but we often see the fears melt away when older adults see how active and engaged residents are and that they are also receiving the help they need to be safe and secure.

Asking a parent to move to assisted living, memory support or independent living is usually motivated by a combination of practical and emotional factors aimed at ensuring their health and safety. It’s important to frame it in a way that focuses on the benefits and improved quality of life rather than the loss of independence.

Elizabeth Girling is vice president of operations for WellAge Senior Living, which manages Jackson Creek Senior Living in Monument and other locations statewide. She has two decades of experience working with families and older adults.