I’ve written before about the idea that when you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else.

This morning, I read a New York Times article by Leslie Jamison titled, “The Mind-Boggling Simplicity of Learning to Say ‘No,’” which got me thinking more about our yeses and our nos.

In the article, Jamison writes about feeling obligated to say yes to any opportunity — social, work, and even gym-related — to not seem ungrateful, to prevent the other party from feeling disappointed, and to keep invitations and opportunities coming.

I can relate to all of her reasons for saying yes.

Saying yes is welcomed in our culture in ways that saying no isn’t.

It took a hospitalization for Jamison to change how she related to saying yes — or rather, to saying no.

She began writing in a “Notebook of Noes,” where she listed opportunities she said no to and what that made room for in her life.

Seeing the trends on paper bolstered her ability to say no and showed her that life went on even when she said no. She found that opportunities kept coming, and the people she feared disappointing were okay after all.

If I reflect on the nos I’ve said in the last few years, I can say the same is true.

I feared saying no would displease other people. And, if I’m honest, it has.

When someone makes a request, they want you to say yes.

But, saying yes to keep others happy isn’t a good enough reason.

Jamison writes about her stepfather’s take on requests. He said the other person has a right to ask the question. And you have a right to say no.

He sums it up nicely.

Each of us has a right to ask.

And, each of us has a right to say no.

Because if we say yes to every request, we’re ping-ponging through life in service of others while ignoring our own needs, wants, and dreams.

I still find saying no uncomfortable at times, but if I look back over the last year, I can see I’m making progress. And, I can see how saying no has given me time and energy for the things I want and need in my life.

I used to jump with joy when someone wanted my help or presence. I would say yes without thinking because “They want me!” My brain would light up with excitement.

I didn’t consider how it would affect me to say yes. Did I want to do what the other person wanted me to do? Did it work with my life? Did it drain my energy or give me more?

Pausing before saying yes is still something I need to practice.

But, now, like Jamison, I have evidence that life goes on and opportunities keep coming, even when I say no.

Joanna Zaremba is a writer, yoga teacher, and movement and mindset coach. She gives her clients the tools they need to feel good, so they can do what matters. She has lived in the Pikes Peak Region since 2011 and can be reached at www.joannazaremba.com