Did you learn anything last year?

We get so busy and we’re so forward-focused that it can be hard to reflect, but it’s good to consider how the last dozen months have shaped and grown you and if you’re moving in a palatable direction.

I learned a few things last year and relearned some others. Life often presents me with the same lessons on repeat because I have a thick, stubborn skull. You, too? But kudos to us for the nourishing choices we made. Someday we’ll make all right choices, figure out this perplexing game of life, and then we’ll die. That’s how I think it works. (Not really.) But until then, let’s recalibrate and make this a year of finding beauty, leaning into curiosity, and offering even more kindness than we think is possible.

Here are a few tidbits I learned and relearned last year.

• Listen to the nudges. Whatever you want to call it — intuition, spirit, the universe, Holy Spirit, God — pay attention. What is the idea hovering around you? The new direction, person, hobby that keeps quietly poking you. Take one step in that direction and see where you wind up. You could be in a very different place this time next year and possibly more joyful? You’ll never know if you don’t take the next right step.

• Your body knows best. This seems a no-brainer and yet we often fail to take it into account. I’m grateful for the gift of yoga all those years go, where I learned to listen to the greatest giver of information. Granted, it was more about only doing poses that wouldn’t maim me, but the wisdom can be applied to everything. Get a headache every time you eat sugar? A belly ache when you drink coffee? A migraine when you’re in that one place with that one person? Stop doing these things. Here’s what I do: I feel into a choice and notice how it feels in my body. Does imagining doing this thing create expansion in me and a sense of openness? Awesome. Keep going. Does the choice make your chest contract or give you anxiety? Enough said. I don’t listen perfectly. Sometimes I plow straight ahead into the choice that gives me anxiety. And when the decision goes awry, I always remember my body told me so.

• Savor the liminal space. Two of my favorite words: savor and liminal. The liminal space is a place of transition. It’s where you’ve stepped off the edge of the past and hover for a while before finding solid ground. It’s the undefined season of life that can happen when you’ve left something behind, but aren’t sure what’s next. We all experience it. Sometimes it feels like all of life is a liminal space. These periods can feel wholly uncomfortable as you dance with the questions of what to do, where to go and who to go with. One of the only things to do here is learn to stay in the discomfort, which is 100% challenging and humans are notoriously terrible at sitting with challenging emotions. (See: any number of comforting substances and activities that help us not feel too much.) But the liminal space, even with all of its confusion, can be a space to delight in. Who knows what delicious treats are coming next? Because rest assured, something is coming. The universe abhors a vacuum. It will fill your space and time at some point.

• Don’t cling. Allow things to pass. If you’re putting 150% effort into a relationship, maybe see what happens if you stop efforting so much. Maybe it’ll flow away from you and something better will bustle in. Maybe don’t cling to anything: a belief, anger, Diet Coke. Hold everything loosely. Make some space for new stuff to find you. And if it turns out to not be better than the old stuff, then permission granted to go back to the old, but I’d wager the new might surprise you. We need to regularly break our patterns. It’s good for our brains and bodies. That’s why you always hear to mix up your gym routine. The body gets used to what you’ve been doing and stops growing. And I, for one, would like to continue growing until I grow out of my breath and body.

• You know best. You are the best authority on you. Nobody else knows what’s best for you. Sure, others can offer their opinions (and they will), but only you know the answers to your biggest and tiniest questions. Don’t give your power away to anyone else. You own the copyright to the book of you.

• Go ahead and love your face and your body. Popular culture would prefer you not do this, as then companies can’t sell you all the things that will allegedly make you beautiful, wealthy, young and, therefore, happy. Guess what I’ve noticed? I got crow’s feet, they’re multiplying, and I’m losing control, ‘cause the power they’re supplying, it’s electrifying. If you read this and sang it to the tune of “You’re the One That I Want” from the 1978 film “Grease” (which provides some of the worst messaging of all times to women), you would be correct. But I had an epiphany not too long ago: I kind of like these lines. They give me warm fuzzies when I see them on other people, so why not like the same thing on me? But we’ll see how I feel in five years.

• Create white space. This is one theme of the current season of my life, which is much busier than my nervous system enjoys. I remember seasons when I lolled around all weekend, longing for some sort of purpose, otherwise known as my 20s. But seriously, this soul needs a fair amount of time to stare at a wall. And if it doesn’t get it, bad things happen and my body starts giving me lectures. Maybe yours does, too. I know it’s hard to let people down and not say yes to all the things, but let’s recommit to keeping our precious and sacred alone time.

Contact the writer: 636-0270

A Gazette reporter reflects back on the lessons she learned and relearned in 2023 before plunging into the new year.

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