Not God, nor a thief | Guest Column
I did not know Val Carr. After reading Robert Zuluaga’s guest column (in the March 3 Courier), I still do not.
It reminded me of what pastors have often said about some funerals — “the preacher tried to preach the deceased into heaven,” rather than sharing the interesting stories of the person’s life told by his family and good friends, when all were there because of who the deceased was with them.
More significantly for many of The Courier’s readers, perhaps even a majority, is that they do not share the religious perspective that the writer pushes forth. It is stated as if it is the only way to believe, when it is not! Across the country and world there are literally millions of Christians who do not believe in the perspective stated. There are literally millions of other faiths who also do not.
In 22 years of active ministry — and even in 15 years of retirement — when death is discussed, I’ve never known even one person who has ever asked about a person’s death, “Was it God or a thief?” Hardly ever has someone even wanted to blame God. The solid majority understand that death is a reality of the fact that we humans live. Always has been — always will be.
To look for something to blame when it seems to come too early, or too unexpected, is to ignore the significance of the reality that every human being dies. Even when we know the cause it almost never makes it any easier when the person who died is a beloved family member, friend, or perceived community leader. Blaming Val, blaming God, blaming COVID accomplishes and changes nothing. No one is in control of death, unless the person decides to end her or his life early due to deeply serious problems of disease or mental despair.
The more authentic question is not who or what to blame, but how do we cope with the death of a loved one? Some do experience their faith as a major source of enabling and empowering them to cope. Others experience their faith along with the love and friendship of others as the essential way to cope. Some experience the love and friendship of others without any appeal to faith as the essential way to cope. Some never really discover any effective way of coping.
To think that the only way is a particular, and in my view, quite narrow, way of faith, as the writer does, is to demean, dismiss and ignore the reality of the wide variety of the human experience of grief. The issue isn’t to tell others what you think they should do, but listening carefully to what they are actually going through, and then seek to offer whatever compassionate words of supportive grace you possibly can that helps them cope as best they possibly can based on their reality and life experience. Don’t tell another in grief about God’s love, show that person that love by the way you compassionately respond to what they are actually experiencing.
Love, grace, hope, joy, compassion, peace.
Rodney Noel Saunders is a retired United Methodist pastor and a resident of Florissant.