Dear Donna,

I have been dating a lady for almost two months. With the holidays approaching, I am thinking about what would make a great Christmas gift. I want to surprise her with tickets for a cruise, but my sister says it is too much of a risk to buy the tickets without talking to her about it, which ruins the surprise. This lady has told me that she would love to go on a cruise, and I want to buy the tickets. What do you think? – Mark

Dear Mark,

It is too much too soon. Simply because she told you she would love to go on a cruise doesn’t mean that means now or with you. I agree with your sister. This is something that needs to be discussed before tickets are bought. A gift certificate to a romantic restaurant, tickets to a concert, a bottle of wine, a CD of her favorite music, a pretty scarf or a combination of any of these gifts would be more appropriate at this time in your relationship.

Dear Donna,

I am engaged to a wonderful man with a large, boisterous family. The past two holiday seasons I have not enjoyed Thanksgiving or Christmas because we are expected to spend hours at his parents’ house with two dozen people coming and going and screaming over football games. I told him that I want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas in our own home this year and he is upset with me. I would love to make a nice holiday dinner for the two of us, and he has agreed reluctantly. Do you think I am being unreasonable? – Paula

Dear Paula,

There is plenty of room for compromise. You two could have the holiday dinner at home and then go to his parents’ house for dessert. He could go visit his parents without you for a while to enjoy some of the screaming and football. Instead of going to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving and Christmas, you could pick one. Before going, you could agree on how long you will stay.

Where and how you spend your holidays will continue to evolve, especially if you have children. This is a first step in that direction and hopefully you can compromise enough to make it enjoyable for both of you.

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Donna Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Home and Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.