Seven years ago, we added another son to our household when hosting an exchange student from Sweden.

Although he’s long since returned to his native country, he is still part of our family. And, it turns out, we’re part of his.

Anyone who has hosted an exchange student knows the difficulties, joys, adjustments and enrichment that come from the experience. What I never expected were the enduring bonds built through a school year of sharing meals, holidays, family gatherings, daily routines and everything else that occupies our lives.

Our experience is not unique. Some relationships among host families and their exchange students last decades. This might be one reason Manitou Springs resident Judith Fitzgerald and her late husband, David, opened their home to 15 teenagers from four different countries over the years.

“We did it because we thought it would be fun,” she said, “and it was.”

It’s also enriching for all involved. She remains in touch with nearly all of the former students; she is particularly close to Aline from France, who lived with the Fitzgeralds in 1991, and with Richie, from Hungary, who was here in 2011.

“Aline’s family is still part of mine,” Fitzgerald said. “I think Aline was the third person I called when David died.”

Of course, not every situation is ideal – for the student far from familiar surroundings or those who sign up to be a surrogate family for a year.

Fitzgerald said two of the students she had in her home simply didn’t mesh well with her family. That does happen, but not often, according to Sue Clayton, with CCI Greenheart, a cultural exchange program that connects Americans with international students.

“The secret to a successful placement is having a representative that supervises,” she said. Clayton, a representative for 15 years, has hosted eight students in her own home. She’s placed hundreds of students and has visited many in their own counties.

Tamara and Ron Schwarz, who live in Monument, have hosted four exchange students. Tarmara explained that her husband had been an exchange student, so hosting was something he always wanted to do. And he remains in touch with those families.

“We always hoped we’d have connections that would continue,” she said, “but they’re not something you can force.”

They have visited three of their former students and traveled with their families in Europe. And those students have made several return visits to Colorado. (One of the students wasn’t interested in continuing the relationship.)

“The key to getting along,” Fitzgerald said, “is to be open-minded and tolerant… You learn that your heart is big enough to love another child and most of the time they love you back.”

Darwin Fredrickson was at Manitou Middle School the first time his family hosted an exchange student. Now 18, Fredrickson said they stay in touch but he is much closer to the two who joined his family later, when he was in high school: one from Germany and the other from Czech Republic.

“When they first moved in, I never thought we’d end up being brothers,” he said, “but I feel as close to them as I do to (younger brother) Atticus.”

Fredrickson spent most of July and part of August visiting three exchange students; the two who lived with his family and one from Spain who he’d become friends with here.

“There was no disconnect for us at all,” Fredrickson said. “I walked right into their homes and it felt as if I’d gotten back from vacation. We’re all a little taller now, but they’re still the same guys.”

He said plans are underway for return visits in 2016 from his European “brothers.”

A visit to Scandinavia

This summer, my husband and I traveled to Scandinavia to visit Pete, our Swedish son. Every year since he was with us, he and his parents have asked when we plan to visit. We thought we should go before they stopped inviting us.

Pete’s mother, Marie, and I first began emailing one another as soon as we knew he would live with us. We haven’t stopped. After months of more-than-our-usual exchange of emails, Facebook messages and WhatsApp texts as we planned the trip, she and Pete met us at the train station in Gothenburg, Sweden.

“I bet you thought we’d never actually be here,” I said to Pete as we hugged.

He nodded in the familiar way I remembered.

He finally was going to be able to show us his world; the one he talked about when he became interwoven into ours. There were foods to taste, sites to see, friends to meet and memories to retell. Waiting to greet us at his family home were Mikael, his father, and Gustaf, his older brother – as well as the Colorado flag.

We weren’t complete strangers, but all previous get-togethers had been on our turf. Pete’s family came to Colorado to see him walk at graduation from Manitou Springs High School; they returned a few years later with their neighbors whose daughter was then a member of the national Swedish Ice Dancing Team competing at The Broadmoor World Arena. We truly were overdue when it came to who was supposed to visit whom.

We planned on a week in Gothenburg. I worried about overstaying our welcome. Marie laughed, pointing out that Pete had been with us for more than eight months. We didn’t feel anything was owed but appreciated the sentiment.

This is something Fitzgerald said she also encountered each time she’s traveled to visit with former charges.

“We found that people seemed to value what you did a lot more than you did yourself,” she said. “I’ve been treated like royalty whenever I visit.”

Tamara and Ron Schwarz said they had the same experience.

“I think they were just so honored to have us visit. They barely let us pay for anything,” she said. “We absolutely connected with the parents. That’s a relationship that grew also.”

Furthering a friendship

For us, it was fun to see Pete’s pride when he pointed out his place of employment and hosted a pizza night at his apartment with his girlfriend, Paulina. She’d spent a year in Australia as an exchange student and remains close to her host family, too.

When he was here, I suspect Pete was homesick, but he never let it show. Instead, he talked about his school, his hometown, his family. Marie told us that when her son first returned to Sweden following his year with us, he talked about his American neighborhood, American home and American family.

We spent a lot of time reminiscing about his time here. Pete laughed about initially not wanting to come out of his bedroom because he was afraid of our dog – a dog he now talks about with affection.

He said he couldn’t forget how hard it was not being able to go anywhere on his own. He always needed a ride since our public transportation system didn’t help him much. I did do a lot of extra driving that year.

In Sweden, we relied on trains, buses and trams. We also walked a lot and, when we did wait for a bus, it was never for more than five minutes. I sat next to Gustaf on one ride, and he pointed out where he’d taken classes at the university. That led to a discussion about the education system.

Marie and Mikael took us to Stockholm where we toured Sweden’s Parliament. That led to a discussion about politics; we also visited the ABBA Museum, which prompted discussions of our youths.

We appreciated seeing the distinct architecture, hearing the various sounds (even though everyone we met spoke English) and discovering the similarities and differences between our countries. However, the best parts of the visit were sitting with Pete, Marie, Mikael and Gustaf (in any and all combinations) on the patio of the family home, sharing meals and adding to the foundation of our friendship. We exchanged a lot during a week, thanks to a school year that started quite some time ago.