Dear Donna,

I was on a second date with a lady and she asked me if I was “420 friendly.” As soon as she realized I did not know what she was talking about, her mood changed. She explained that “420 friendly” means you enjoy smoking pot. I told her I never had smoked pot but I did not mind if she did. She immediately lit up a joint and asked me if I wanted a hit. This is the last thing I expected to be doing on our second date. I did not participate and the rest of the evening went good. I know smoking pot is legal, but the idea of being with someone who is carrying around marijuana makes me uncomfortable. Is it appropriate for me to ask her to leave her pot at home? – Steve

Dear Steve,

Considering how you feel about it, I don’t think it is inappropriate for you to ask her to leave her pot at home. However, if she is compelled to bring up the subject on a second date and smoke it, even when you are not interested, that is a good indicator of her priorities. If someone who smokes pot is out of your comfort zone, she might not be the one for you. Ask her to leave her pot at home and you will find out.

Dear Donna,

I recently had a first date with a man who insisted on taking me to a very expensive restaurant. I even joked that he might want to take me to a dive bar first and make sure I was worthy of the investment. He assured me there were no expectations and he was happy to do it. The dinner was lovely and I had a great time. When we got back to his car, he was all over me and his expectations were apparent. I was very direct with him and he took me home. He called and apologized and wants to get together again. Except for that 10 minutes in the car, he was a perfect gentleman. Should I give him another chance? – Amanda

Dear Amanda,

If you give him another chance, make sure it is on your terms. Drive separately and keep it simple. Don’t do lunch or dinner. Agree to meet for an hour and tell him how you feel about what happened. If alcohol was involved on the first date, that can skew everything. See what you think about what he has to say. Since you are on the fence, it could be worth a second try.

–

Donna Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.