Dear Donna,

I had a wonderful first date with a man I could not wait to see again. The second and third dates were also wonderful until he told me he was married for 23 years and divorced for one month. He has not lived with his ex-wife for one year, but I do not believe he can be ready for a relationship. I have been single for four years and I am ready to find the right person. He said his marriage has been over emotionally and physically for many years and he is also ready to find the right person. He is very convincing and I want to get to know him better. How can you know if someone is ready for a relationship? – Julie

Dear Julie,

People just out of long-term marriages and relationships usually think they are emotionally available sooner rather than later. Most of them have no basis of comparison, and they want to be ready. It is only in retrospect that they realize they need more time to heal, and that healing is most likely to occur when they start to become serious about someone. The statistics for the rebound relationship are not good. You would be wise to focus on a friendship with this man, which is where it should be after three dates. Keep your options open to meet others and encourage him to do the same.

Dear Donna,

I am dating a lady who is widowed and she constantly refers to her husband as the love of her life. She is delightful, engaging, pretty, smart and seems to enjoy the time we spend together, but when she says that, I am not sure how to respond. I don’t know how I can compete with someone she considers the love of her life and it sets me back every time she says it. Do you think she is trying to tell me something? – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

She is telling you her husband was the love of her life. The fact that she feels comfortable sharing that with you is probably a good thing. If you think she likes you and enjoys your company, every time she says her husband was the love of her life, tell yourself “so far.” She can have another love of her life and it could be you. Don’t get hung up on something she has probably said forever and it is all she knows “so far.”

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Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.