Saudi single women challenge tradition in love and marriage
JIDDAH, Saudi Arabia – Amna Fatani knows she wants a brilliant career and a life different from that of Saudi women of her mother’s generation who married early, usually to a husband not of their own choosing.
The 27-year-old, studying for her master’s degree at Georgetown University in Washington and hoping to someday become Saudi Arabia’s first female labor minister, is part of a growing number of Saudi women choosing to remain single through their 20s and into their 30s as they pursue other ambitions.
The trend has ruffled ultraconservatives who see it as an affront to the very foundations of the kingdom, where strict interpretations of Islam and rigid tribal codes have long dictated the terms of marriage.
“My friends and I have reached a point (where) we’re very specific about what we want,” she said. “I need someone who trusts that if I need to do something, I can make the decision to ask for help or choose to do it alone.”
Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot between the kingdom’s push for greater women’s education and rights to work, and laws that give men final say over their lives.
Women cannot travel, study abroad, marry or undergo certain medical procedures without the permission of a male guardian – usually a father or husband, or in their absence, an older or even a younger brother.
The growing number of single women has alarmed clerics, who have responded by pushing for early marriage and warning of alleged evil consequences of “spinsterhood,” such as sex outside wedlock.
Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early 20s. In 2011, more than 1.5 million Saudi women over 30 were single, according to the Economy and Planning Ministry.
According to government figures, 3.3 million are women over 30 in this nation of 20 million people – and if the ministry’s 2011 figure is unchanged, it means that about 45 percent of Saudi women over 30 are single.
Women have been taking on a greater role in public life, though their jobs are mostly in the education sector. The Labor Ministry says there are more than 400,000 working women in Saudi Arabia, compared with less than 55,000 before 2009.
Women outnumber men in the kingdom’s universities, and there are tens of thousands of women among the 150,000 Saudis studying abroad on government scholarships.
Education also is changing women’s attitudes toward marriage and giving them more confidence, said Hatoon al-Fassi, a professor of women’s history in Saudi Arabia. “You can no longer control these attitudes,” she says.
Some Saudi women also are challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband as they navigate through tradition and customs.
The kingdom’s Wahhabi interpretation of Islam keeps the sexes strictly segregated, making it harder for young people to meet. Morality police make sure women and men are apart in restaurants, malls and public spaces, and schools and most universities are segregated.
Families are expected to arrange or, at the least, approve marriages. Conservative families see the idea of a daughter looking for a match on her own as scandalous. Entrenched tribal customs also weigh strongly.
One young woman told The Associated Press that at work, her sister fell in love with a Saudi man who was not from a tribe. Their father agreed to the marriage after meeting him, but an older male relative threatened to cut off the entire family if the marriage went ahead. The sister was forced to end the courtship and eventually married a man from her tribe, the woman said, speaking on condition of anonymity to discuss her family’s private matters.
Parents usually arrange a “showfa” – Arabic for a “viewing” – so a man can see his potential bride at her home, without the traditional black robe and face veil worn by most Saudi women in public.
The practice is widely accepted and is sometimes the only chance for a man and a woman to see one another before deciding on whether to get engaged. Among the more conservative families, a groom is only allowed to see his wife after the wedding.
However, stories of secretive courtships away from parents’ prying eyes abound in Saudi Arabia. One woman said she spent months chatting with a man online. They finally agreed to meet at a grocery store, where they texted from opposite ends of an aisle. They spoke face to face for the first time when he asked her father for her hand in marriage. Until today, their parents believe they met through work.
Saudi blogger and women’s rights advocate Tamador Alyami says tradition is being outpaced by the Internet’s potential for matchmaking. Private chat rooms and social media have given Saudis a space to pursue relationships on their own terms.
Alyami said women today are asserting their greater independence. “They don’t just want their mothers to meet with their (prospective) husbands’ mothers and, you know, make all of the arrangements on their behalf.”
FILE – In this May 21, 2012 file photo, members of a Saudi female soccer team practice at a secret location in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Single Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot. On the one hand, the kingdom has increasingly encouraged women to graduate from college and enter the workforce. On the other hand, it still requires that they adhere to laws that give men final say over their lives. Over the past three decades until around 2009, the number of Saudi women working was less than 50,000, but is now more than 400,000, according to the Labor Ministry. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
FILE – In this Saturday, March 29, 2014 file photo, Aziza Yousef drives a car on a highway in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, as part of a campaign to defy Saudi Arabia’s ban on women driving. Single Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot. On the one hand, the kingdom has increasingly encouraged women to graduate from college and enter the workforce. On the other hand, it still requires that they adhere to laws that give men final say over their lives. Over the past three decades until around 2009, the number of Saudi women working was less than 50,000, but is now more than 400,000, according to the Labor Ministry. (AP Photo/Hasan Jamali, File)
FILE – In this Tuesday, Dec. 26, 2007 file photo, two veiled Saudi women enjoy the Red Sea at night, in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. A growing number of Saudi women are remaining single through their 20s and into their 30s as they pursue their ambitions, sending ultraconservatives into a panic. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. Women are also challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband. (AP Photo/Hasan Sarbakhshian, File)
In this Sunday, May 11, 2014 photo, a Saudi woman seen through a heart-shaped statue walks along an inlet of the Red Sea in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. A growing number of Saudi women are remaining single through their 20s and into their 30s as they pursue their ambitions, sending ultraconservatives into a panic. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. Women are also challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband. (AP Photo/Hasan Jamali)
FILE – In this Nov. 11, 2010 file photo, a Saudi woman smokes tobacco from a waterpipe as her friend looks at her cell phone in a coffee shop in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. Single Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot. On the one hand, the kingdom has increasingly encouraged women to graduate from college and enter the workforce. On the other hand, it still requires that they adhere to laws that give men final say over their lives. They cannot travel, study abroad, marry or undergo certain medical procedures without the permission of a male guardian. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
FILE – In this Aug. 3, 2008 file photo, a Saudi woman checks a wedding dress at a shop in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi Arabias Wahhabi interpretation of Islam, the sexes are strictly segregated, making it harder for young people to meet. Morality police keep women and men apart in restaurants, malls and public spaces, and schools and most universities are segregated. The increase in single women has alarmed the countrys clerics, who have responded by pushing for early marriage and preaching on the evil consequences of spinsterhood, such as sex outside wedlock. (AP Photo, File)
FILE – In this Thursday, April 1, 2010 file photo, Saudi women attend the traditional Arda dance, or War dance, during the Janadriyah Festival of Heritage and Culture on the outskirts of the Saudi capital Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Single Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot. On the one hand, the kingdom has increasingly encouraged women to graduate from college and enter the workforce. On the other hand, it still requires that they adhere to laws that give men final say over their lives. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
In this Sunday, May 11, 2014 photo, a Saudi couple sit on a bench overlooking the sea, in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. A growing number of Saudi women are remaining single through their 20s and into their 30s as they pursue their ambitions, sending ultraconservatives into a panic. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. Women are also challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband. (AP Photo/Hasan Jamali)
FILE – In this Tuesday, March 3, 2009, file photo, Saudi women visit the 4th Riyadh International Book Fair in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Single Saudi women stand at the center of a societal pivot. On the one hand, the kingdom has increasingly encouraged women to graduate from college and enter the workforce. On the other hand, it still requires that they adhere to laws that give men final say over their lives. Over the past three decades until around 2009, the number of Saudi women working was less than 50,000, but is now more than 400,000, according to the Labor Ministry. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
FILE – In this Dec. 26, 2007 file photo, A Saudi man smokes a waterpipe as a woman walks on the boardwalk in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. A growing number of Saudi women are remaining single through their 20s and into their 30s as they pursue their ambitions, sending ultraconservatives into a panic. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. Women are also challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband. (AP Photo/Hasan Sarbakhshian, File)
FILE – In this March 28, 2010 file photo, a Saudi girl wearing Saudi traditional clothes attends the Saudi Travel and Tourism Investment Market fair in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi Arabias Wahhabi interpretation of Islam, the sexes are strictly segregated, making it harder for young people to meet. Morality police keep women and men apart in restaurants, malls and public spaces, and schools and most universities are segregated. The increase in single women has alarmed the countrys clerics, who have responded by pushing for early marriage and preaching on the evil consequences of spinsterhood, such as sex outside wedlock. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
In this Nov. 26, 2008 file photo, Saudi women look at artwork during the opening of art exhibition featuring the work of seven Saudi female artists at the French Embassy in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. The increase in single women has alarmed the countrys clerics, who have responded by pushing for early marriage and preaching on the evil consequences of spinsterhood, such as sex outside wedlock. (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar, File)
In this Sunday, May 11, 2014 photo, Saudi blogger and womens rights advocate, Tamador Alyami, talks to The Associated Press about marriage issues in the kingdom during an interview in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia. Traditionally, women in Saudi Arabia are expected to be married by their early twenties. Alyami says tradition has failed to keep up with the Internets potential for match-making. Women are also challenging the rules on how to meet a prospective husband. Private chat rooms and social media have given Saudis a space to pursue love on their own terms. (AP Photo/Hasan Jamali)