On Sept. 10, Jake Crookston had dinner with his dad and watched TV. The slight 15-year-old, described as gentle and quiet by his mom, seemed happy.

Early the next morning, Jake headed off as usual to Doherty High School. But instead of going to class, he went into a bathroom and fatally shot himself with a handgun he had taken from a safe in his home. The reverberations were immediate – and lasting.

Doherty was locked down, and then classes were canceled for the rest of the day. Worried parents hurried to the school to pick up students, most of whom didn’t know what happened. But as word spread, the community reeled – and then rallied under the “#spartanstrong” tag.

Jake’s mom, Shelle Crookston, was in New Jersey when she was notified and scrambled to find a flight home. Scott Crookston, a sergeant first class at Fort Carson, had been home from a deployment to Kuwait just five weeks when his son took his life. They had seen no warning signs that Jake might commit suicide.

“There was nothing, nothing at all. He had dinner with his dad the night before, watched ‘The Big Bang Theory,’ one of his favorite shows, and was acting totally happy and normal,” Shelle Crookston told The Gazette on Tuesday. “Now I know that just because someone looks like they’re fine, it doesn’t mean that they are, and I am determined to work to raise awareness to honor Jake’s memory. Not because I have to, but because I get to.”

Shelle and Scott Crookston returned to Colorado Springs on Monday after their son’s funeral in southern Utah, where most of their relatives live, including Jake’s older siblings, Trevor and Kaylee.

The Crookstons lived in St. George in southern Utah the past two years to stay close to family and because 18-year-old Trevor wanted to finish high school there. For Jake, however, beginning the 2014 school year at Doherty High School was ideal, Shelle Crookston said.

“He was beyond excited about school here and he was proud to be a Spartan,” she said. “He made friends quickly and was really well-liked by his teachers.”

Although Jake had been bullied at school in Utah, Shelle said he had talked to her about it and had gotten counseling.

“I just can’t imagine that would have been a factor, because we talked about it a lot and I got him all the help I could. But now I’ll never know.”

Shelle Crookston’s voice changed from somber to excited as she spoke about her son, recalling how he looked up to Trevor and Kaylee.

“He wanted to grow up big and strong like Trevor, he really idolized him,” she said. “And he absolutely loved being an uncle to Kaylee’s two children.”

Although he had grown nearly 7 inches this year, Jake was shorter than most of his peers, which kept him out of most team sports. So he took up martial arts and parkour, an individual sport that uses urban structures such as buildings and stairways for acrobatics.

“He wanted to grow up so bad, and I just kept telling him to wait. I knew he would get there and be tall and strong, but he felt like it made him get left out,” Shelle Crookston said.

She struggles with thoughts of how things would’ve been different if she had been home the day her son died, but she tries to focus on what she can do now to honor her son’s memory.

“We were so close, he was my baby,” she said. “We were always talking, always laughing, texting each other. Now I am learning a new way to be his mom, even if he’s not here in body, he’s here in spirit.”

Pikes Peak Suicide Prevention hosted a walk in Jake’s honor Saturday at El Pomar Youth Sports Complex and let all Doherty High School students and staff walk for free, she said.

Now she’s working toward raising $500 and support for a suicide prevention walk in southern Utah that will take place Saturday in Jake’s name. The “Out of the Darkness” walk is being organized by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Returning to Colorado Springs without her son, Shelle Crookston said, was painful. The house was quiet, Jake’s room almost suspended in time with dirty laundry strewn on the floor and books on his bed.

“I just wish he could’ve seen all the love that everyone has expressed. Would it have made a difference? It’s hard to think that no matter how much he knew he was loved, there was a voice in his head that was stronger than anything I could’ve said as his mother.”

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SUICIDE 
PREVENTION

A walk in Jake Crookston’s name will take place Saturday in Highland Park in Washington, Utah. For more information, or to make a donation, visit bit.ly/1CdwnNP.

WHERE TO GET HELP

– AspenPointe, available 24/7

572-6100

– Safe2Tell, available 24/7

1-877-542-7233 (SAFE)

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Contact Andrea Sinclair: 636-0235

Shelle Crookston and her son, Jake Crookston. Photo courtesy of Shelle Crookston

Family members graveside at the funeral for Jake Crookston. Photo courtesy of Shelle Crookston

Left to right, Jake, Shelle, Trevor and Kaylee Crookston. Photo courtesy of Shelle Crookston

Jake Crookston with his mom, Shelle Crookston. Photo courtesy of Shelle Crookston

Shelle Crookston, right, with her sons, Trevor, left, and Jake. Photo courtesy of Shelle Crookston