“Mad Men” has been off the air since October 2010. During that time television audiences have embraced quality new shows like “Game of Thrones”, “The Walking Dead”, and “Homeland” and suffered through quickly cancelled dregs such as “Luck”, “Terra Nova”, and “The Playboy Club”.   

Despite being given something to fill viewers time, nothing can take the place of “Mad Men.” There is no other show like it. With beautiful set pieces, a sharp wardrobe, and crisp writing “Mad Men” is TV potpourri, taking the period piece style of “The Tudors”, the economic dialogue of “Friday Night Lights”, and the machinations of “The Sopranos” and rolling them into one delicious series.

Simply stated, “Mad Men” is the best show on television. This is why the 18-month hiatus between seasons 4 and 5 has been so excruciating. Fans want answers to so many questions such as:

Did Don really end up marrying his secretary and when does she have time for him when she’s starring in T-Mobile commercials? Did Joan have her baby and if she did was it born with Roger’s silver hair? Why is Pete the only person in the office who doesn’t smoke and did this cost the company the Lucky Strike account? Why did Betty Draper lose out on the role of the White Witch to Tilda Swinton in “Chronicles of Narnia”? How can I get a job where I smoke and drink Scotch all day? Is Sally’s friend Glen (played by series creator Matthew Weiner’s son) that creepy in real life? And finally, how the heck am I supposed to watch “Mad Men”,”The Amazing Race”, “Celebrity Apprentice”, “The Killing”, and “Game of Thrones” in one night?!? Okay, so maybe these are only MY questions.  

With so many questions to be answered and with a ridiculously long hiatus whetting my appetite for tailored suits and Roger Sterling one-liners, I’m more prepared than ever to get back into the world of “Mad Men”. I don’t usually do running diaries for scripted shows, but I think the season five premiere of AMC’s golden goose calls for such measures.   

Warning!!! Spoilers ahead!!! 

7:01 – I really wish the “previously on Mad Men” opening intro was 5 minutes long. After such a long hiatus, I’ve started to forget things. I didn’t even remember that Pete’s wife Trudy was pregnant. I didn’t know Pete had it in him.

7:04 – Does the actress who plays Sally Draper ever age? She’s looked 12 for 4 years. Her voice however, does sound different. Maybe she’s being dubbed by Lisa Lampanelli.

7:05 – We have our first answer of the season. Don did marry his secretary. Megan looks fully entrenched in Don’s apartment, we even have the butt crack shot to prove it. Sadly, as she walks of the bedroom out for breakfast she wasn’t wearing a white dress with polka dots.

7:08 – Are we getting signs of Pete becoming the new Don Draper? We see him sitting on a commuter train, complaining to a friend about his wife and how he doesn’t like how she goes out in a robe. Next thing you know Pete will be sleeping with his daughter’s teacher.

7:10 – And we have another answer, Joan had her baby. We’re also introduced to Joan’s mom and they don’t seem to get along. I sense some future story lines coming.

7:15 – Say what?!? Don’s wife is now working in creative?!? Don sure does seem to be wielding a lot of more power so far in this episode. Pete is walking around like his lap dog and even poor Roger has to bribe a secretary to get some attention. 

7:20 – Some bonding going on between Megan Draper and Peggy as they plan for Don’s surprise 40th birthday party. How soon before Peggy jedi mind tricks Megan into doing or saying something she probably shouldn’t?

7:22 – Joan’s mom mentions that Joany’s husband is still alive. Dang! I hate that guy!

7:27 – I’m with the Heinz people and I wasn’t really down with Peggy’s “bean ballet” idea. I think Peggy should blame Megan Draper and say it was her idea.

7:33 – The line of the night so far is courtesy of Ken Cosgrove commenting on Roger Sterling to Pete, ”There’s no one better at turning a meeting into a bender.”

7:44 – Swinging birthday shindig at Casa de Draper. I keep waiting for Austin Powers to jump out from the balcony.  

7:53 – Nice rendition of “Walk On By” by the Don Draper Five during the birthday bash.

7:55 – And now we have the scene where Megan Draper loses her mind, she’s singing something in French to Don. I took a moment to check my TV to make sure I wasn’t watching a “Mad Men” spoof on “Saturday Night Live”.

7:58 – Don reminds Megan he’s been 40 for half a year. Don told her about Dick Whitman. I’m stunned. Is Don wising up? Did he actually learn something with his failed marriage with Betty? Why did he tell her?? I haven’t told my wife that my real name is Seymour Butz and I’m from Kazakhstan and I’ve been married for 8 years! This is sooo going to bite him in the butt later.

8:05 – Lane found a wallet with a Social Security card in it. It also sounds like he’s having money trouble. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lane Pryce, identity theft pioneer!

8:14 – I love Roger, he’s my favorite character. Pete tries wrangling for a bigger office and Roger just shuts him down by asking him to “step outside” to settle it. The man is quick witted and knows how to say just the right cutting remark. Whether it’s teasing Don about his wife’s singing or making his own wife jealous with comments about Megan’s desirability, Roger has the best lines on the show.  

8:21 – Uh oh, not only does Lane look like a future identity thief but he also looks like a future adulterer. Lane and Delores, a girl from a picture in the wallet he found, have a rather provocative conversation. I’m guessing Lane is in for a surprise and finds that spending time with Delores isn’t free. 

8:29 – And we get even more Roger during the commercials! Despite the fact that Sterling looks to be in his 50s in the late 1960s, he’s still pitching Lincolns in 2012. 

8:32 – We finally see Joany wearing a dress. It’s about time. Christina Hendricks was built to wear clothes from the 1960s. The clothes she was wearing before made her look like she just stepped out of a trailer park.

8:36 – Roger is holding Joan’s (and his) baby with a cigarette in his mouth. Ah, the good old days when second hand smoke didn’t exist.

8:46 – It’s amazing that Joan can have cleavage even when her dress is only cut down to her collarbone. I think she’d have cleavage even if she were wearing a turtleneck.

8:58 – Much like Megan Draper, I too often clean my house in black lace underwear.

9:02 – Peggy mentioned this early in the episode but Don really has changed. He told Megan he wants her to “have whatever she wants to have”. Where did this Don Draper come from? Where’s the philandering? Where’s the self-centeredness? I don’t even remember seeing him drink at the office! What’s happened to my role model?!?

Final thoughts – Solid opening episode. Very excited to see where things are going. Lots of interesting story lines in the works…Roger now smokes Camel’s instead of Lucky Strikes…The actor who plays Harry Crane has lost a lot of weight. Sadly for him, his head still looks the same size…Was it just me or did it seem like there was typing in the background ALL THE TIME? It was loud and annoying… No Betty Draper this episode. I missed seeing the Ice Queen…It was tough to judge the time period, but based on what I googled online it was Memorial Day, 1966.