By Vinh Chung

Only recently have I begun to understand what my mother was trying to teach me.

She believed that integrity, patience, courage, and kindness weren’t just nice virtues. Without them, I wasn’t yet fully a person. Whenever I was unkind or inconsiderate, she would gently say, “Son, you must learn how to become a person.” The Vietnamese phrase she used was làm người. It literally means to become, or to form, a person.

As a child, this confused me. Of course I was a person! I walked and talked. My DNA was human. What else was there to become?

Over time, I’ve learned that being alive and being fully human are not the same thing.

The Wizard of Oz gives us a compelling metaphor. The Tin Man lacks a heart, the Lion lacks courage, and the Scarecrow lacks intelligence. Each is missing something essential, and each must go on a journey to grow into wholeness.

Becoming a person takes a lifetime. It doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t happen alone. We become who we are meant to be through relationships. Through responsibility for others, sacrifice, forgiveness, and care, we develop into our potential. We are shaped through giving and receiving with one another.

I see this most clearly in my life.

I didn’t become a husband the day I said “I do.” I became one slowly, by learning how to love and to receive love from my wife. Our relationship developed through patience, gentleness, and generosity. After 27 years, I’m still becoming the husband I hope to be.

I didn’t become a father to my four children through biology or paperwork. I became a father in the quiet, unseen moments of diaper changes, late-night worries, trips to the emergency room, and personal sacrifices. Those exhausting and beautiful moments formed me. They gave my life depth and meaning, and I’m more fully a person as a result.

Families are where becoming a person takes place. At home, we learn how to apologize, how to forgive, how to show up when we’re tired, and how to care for others even when it costs us something. These small, ordinary acts shape who we are.

The fact that becoming a person takes a lifetime gives me comfort. I am not finished. None of us are. Each year brings another chance to grow. To become more patient, more loving, and more courageous. No matter our past failures or regrets, there is always a way forward.

Christmas is a season of giving and receiving. According to the Christian faith, for God so loved the world that he gave his Son. If we receive this gift, then we can have “life in all its fullness.” Christmas reminds us that we are not meant to live in isolation. Some things like love, belonging, and meaning cannot be achieved alone. They can only be cultivated in relationships.

This season, may we slow down enough to notice one another.

May we give generously and receive gratefully.

May we notice who we are becoming.

And may we live in a way that would make our mothers proud.

Dr. Vinh Chung is a Mohs surgeon and founding physician of Vanguard Skin Specialists. He is a grateful husband and devoted father. His memoir Where the Wind Leads is available on Amazon.